How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
