census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i dont even know how to be here
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
