I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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