I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
