you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
