the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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