I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
