I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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