why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
