So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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