We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
