finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
