so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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