No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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