I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
