I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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