i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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