um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
