her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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