just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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