This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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