U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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