I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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