he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
