My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
