where am i from again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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