Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
