i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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