Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
