why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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