So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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