I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
