I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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