laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
