I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
