If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
