He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize