on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
