The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
