I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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