She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
