you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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