He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
