if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
