hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
