I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
