Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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