I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
