Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
