Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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