And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
