After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Someone shattered a urinal.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize