I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
