Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
