We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Randomize
