I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
