Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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