Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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