i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
