Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She announced her abortion via fbk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Enjoy the penises
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
