Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
