onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
