u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
