Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
