Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
