i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have surprise drugs for everyone
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
