forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
