my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
