im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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