i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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