I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
