Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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