Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
