Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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