He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My ass is underappreciated
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
