Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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