Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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