while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
