Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
