i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
