Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
