eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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