If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
