I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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