how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
