i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This baby is an asshole
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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