Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
