There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
