Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
