If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she peed on how many people?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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