so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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