Can i not drive my cunt home
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
