You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
